You can ensure a bright future for yourself if you raise your level of self-awareness. You can enhance your awareness of yourself through self-talk and positive thinking, the keys to a long and successful life.

Living is not fun if you don’t have something to look forward to, and goals give you something to work for, something to expect, and something to look forward to. Setting goals is of great importance in life. And before you can set any goals, you need to enhance your level of self-awareness.

When you become more aware of yourself, you gain more knowledge about yourself. Self-awareness enables an honest and balanced view of your personality, which will, in turn, enable you to interact with your peers confidently and openly.

You can develop self-awareness through positive thinking and self-talk. Simply think positively about your personality and your life. Self-talk, which will help you become more positive in life, is the sure way of gaining self-awareness.

Basics of Self-talk

Go to a quiet area in your house or garden. Visualize yourself sitting with another person. You don’t have to worry about your safety. The person you are visualizing is your own self. Your aim is to understand your own self better, and the only person you can help you do this is yourself–your best friend and confidant.

Visualize your own self sitting in front of you and communicate with yourself. Ask your self about your feelings, about the things that are going on in your life. Assure yourself that you are always there for your self and that you would always lend your self a hand. Encourage your self so that you can rely on your self and give your self a helping hand whenever you are in need.

The more you get to know yourself, the easier your life is going to be. Don’t judge yourself when you engage in self-talk. Instead, make it a fun experience akin to the experience you have when you go out with your friends.

Here is an example to help you get an idea of what happens in self-talk.

Self: How are you?

You: I am fine, but I have been working long hours, and I am really tired.

Self: Why do you work so hard?

You: Well, I have to be loyal to my employer, show dedication toward my work, and deliver prompt results.

Self: What do you get for working so hard?

You: Oh, people show their gratitude sometimes.

Self: How do you feel so?

You: Sometimes, I feel they don’t really care.

Self: Ok…

You: Aren’t we now thinking out of context?

Self: Not that I know of. We are still travelling in the same vehicle.

You: I am afraid, I am the culprit here. I am thinking about playing golf tonight with the others. I simply don’t understand where the thought sprang from.

Self: It came from me; I inspired it. I was just wondering how wonderful it would be to finish work early tonight and just relax and watch a movie instead of hammering away on this keyboard till my fingers ache.

You: That sure sounds like a great idea! I am really feeling extremely stressed. A breath of fresh air is all I need to come back to life after all these long hours of writing.

Self: Well, what stops you from doing just that?

You: Nothing really! Why don’t we just go out and have some fun tonight, just you and I?

So, you must have got some idea about self-talk. To a certain extent, all of us indulge in it. Here, you are doing it consciously.

Self-talk can be crazy at times, but who cares as long as it works? If you read between the lines of the above example, you will notice a sense of stress and emptiness in life, a void that waits to be filled. The person who is engaging in self-talks feels unappreciated, overburdened, and longs to take a break. Perhaps if he or she goes on a vacation, he or she will be able to return to work refreshed. Moreover, the person will be able to get rid of negative thoughts.

So, as you see, apart from giving you an enhanced level of self-awareness, self-talk refreshes you and makes you feel more positive toward life.



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What is “People Pleasing?” It is the need to gain the approval of others. What is wrong with that? Nothing, if it is in balance with our own sense of self esteem. When we continually rely on the opinion of others to make us feel good about ourselves, then this need is getting out of control. The key words are “continually rely.”

 Pat’s feelings were hurt again by her very close friend, Sam. Pat told Sam that her feelings were hurt and Sam felt she was being too sensitive. He feels that she is always too sensitive and should be stronger. Pat feels that she is more of a considerate person rather than a weak sensitive person. She feels Sam does not understand that difference and is resentful of his treatment of her. In her words, she tries and tries to do the things he likes to do, even when she is not interested in those things because close friends sacrifice things for each other. When Sam does not return the same attention, Pat feels taken advantage of which makes her feel angry.

 At work, Pat tells her co-workers about her situation with Sam and asks for their opinion. She often discusses work decisions with her co-workers to see what they would do and then changes her mind based on what they tell her even if she thinks her initial decision was the right one. When she does not get the results she was looking for, she feels let down and seeks out more co-worker’s opinions of what happened to make some kind of sense of it.

Pat comes from a good family with very close relationships. Here too, Pat conducts her own private opinion poll of what her family thinks of the situation with Sam, her work decisions, and many other things to be in sync with their opinions before she gives herself permission to be satisfied.

When Pat receives conflicting opinions from Sam, her co-workers, or her family, Pat uses the opinion of the person she respects the most. She has used this method of decision making for years even though it is exhausting at times. She wonders why she is rarely chosen to lead and tries to rationalize it by doing the important work to support the leader. Pat secretly feels empty and insignificant.

 Pat’s struggle is in trying to figure out where her place is with Sam, her co-workers and her family. How much easier would things be for Pat if she could realize her own opinions and decisions are just as good as anyone else’s? How much more secure and confident would she be if she realized her own contributions are valuable rather than blindly adopting the opinions of others? The first step for Pat is to believe she is valuable just as she is. When she does this, she will learn to trust her own abilities and build self confidence.

 As social creatures, we want to be accepted by people and groups. Still, we need to believe in our own uniqueness and focus on how it adds to people or groups and not focus on how it differs. This perspective is an important distinction. In truth, no one is exactly like ourselves. That is a good thing. Isn’t it marvelous how our different experiences can blend together to accomplish projects and create long-term relationships? This is possible to achieve without giving up who we are in order to please people.



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Here are three simple steps you can use each day to strengthen your inner confidence.

Step One.    Start a journal that contains three sections; Journaling, Success and Having Gratitude.   

It may seem very simple and perhaps even to some a little woo woo, however it has been well researched and proven that writing things down helps to achieve what you want in life.  “When you see it and believe it your can create it.”

a.  Daily happenings. Writing is a fantastic way to get rid of feelings and thoughts that don’t serve you well.   You can write a few lines or a few pages depending on what you choose to do and what each day brings.

b. Your Daily Successes.  Most people don’t even realize that they have many successes during a day.  A success is anything, whether big or small that is an action.  For example:  If my blog is ready on time that’s a success. If I don’t wait until the last minute to get things to my assistant that’s a success!  If I empty my dishwasher instead of leaving it for the next day that’s a success.   It can be personal or professional.     By putting your daily success actions into a journal over time it allows you to see what you really do achieve each day.  It could be two to three actions you took that day to take you nearer to your goals.    

I like to take a look at the end of each week to see how much I actually did achieve in a week. As you look back on your entries of positive accomplishments, it will give you motivation to achieve even more.  It also helps me to see where I’m just making busy work or when I’m being really productive.

c.  Having gratitude for what you have, not for what you don’t have.  Write 3-5 things each day that you are really grateful for in life.  You will be amazed at what happens when you continue to do this and how much it changes your thinking to be really positive.

Step Two:  Setting Your Goals.  I always encourage clients to set short and long term goals then put them aside and come back to creating the action to achieve them. Instead of attempting to achieve everything at once break the actions into smaller steps that you want to meet each day.    Each time you cross off the small steps, you gain more confidence in yourself and you’ll empower yourself to reach the next step until you’ve achieved the primary goal.

If your goal is to save money for a vacation, you can plan small steps like placing $5 in a savings jar each day. You’ll feel good knowing you’ve done seven things for yourself one week rather than waiting until you suddenly need $1,000 to fall into your lap for your upcoming holiday.

If you don’t finish a step, I encourage you not to beat yourself up.  Lots of people are very good at that because they think they failed.   In my book, there is no such thing as failure.  Everything in life is a learning experience and the small steps help you to gain the confidence and self esteems you want to build.

Step Three.   Read inspirational quotes.  Search the Internet or purchase a book with lots of inspirational quotes on confidence or self-esteem.  I have an International Monday Motivator quote that goes out each week which is both written and recorded.  If you are interested in this, you can find all the information together with my free 6 lesson E.course at www.sayyestoyoucoaching.com.    Use weekly quotes to jumpstart your week or a daily quote to jumpstart your day.  Apply it to your life throughout each day.  This will give you another success to add to your daily journaling.   Always set an intention at the beginning of each day about how you choose to feel that day and then follow through on that intention.

And, always remember to take a little time to yourself each day because you deserve it.

After about a month I think you will be amazed at how much more confidence you have in your own ability and how much using these 3 simple steps are changing the way you think and your ability to achieve your goals.



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